Confession….

There is power right at your fingertips. And though I discovered it some years back, I seemed to have forgotten for a time. I am rather ashamed of myself and having spent several moments…alright HOURS in self reflection, I admitted freely that if I did not call on this power and use it henceforth, there could be serious consequences. In actual fact, lying in my bed last night, listening to my husbands quiet breathing as he slept ( yes, my husband who is reputed to be one of the world’s best already, is also not a snorer either….whoa! Careful there Helen, my auto spell tried to type ‘snorter’!!!   Well thankfully we have no worries there either…ah….but…back to my confession) Hmmm, yes I had to ask myself why I was suffering pain in my left arm. Heart attack? Just in case I jumped out of bed, which I am told is the worst thing I could have done, but jump I did and straight to my medicine cabinet for the low dose aspirin…but I would not actually take it because not so long ago I had a complete heart workup and all was in excellent shape….besides, I was starting to be sure it was a muscle related thing in my arm. Then I felt the twinges of a similar pain in my right arm. Hmmmm, this called for some serious detective work on my part and all within the confines of my warm blankets…..OK guys, slow as I am, realization finally struck. And so this time I hopped out of bed, made for the den, picked up my iPad and using this great power I possessed, I pressed, “delete”, “delete”, and so it went. You see, in my musings oh so poetic on the time spent with my darling grandchildren over the Christmas break, I, like any irresponsible grandparent, had allowed the sweet young things to download several apps on my iPad. In fairness, they were free!!! And not so bad, as long as I monitored the play time for them….ok ok so it was for my darling Zori (refer to my post several days ago) and Kara, don’t shoot me (that’s her mommy and my daughter) ‘Twas a cute little game and she got me into it too. The sad thing is; no the pathetic thing is, I played it more than she did. I would find myself in the last few days sneaking around so that my darling husband would not suspect I had a bit of an addiction and to a child’s game too! Folks I stand before you guilty as charged but perhaps you will forgive me for my bravery in this way too public confession. From that moment forward, I will NOT be playing games wherein the faster you swipe at the little critters, the more points you score. My arms are killing me, even though ( head held slightly aloft here) I did score over 40,000 coins in one swoop.

But seriously, though everything said here is true, it got me to thinking again…..so I’m retired and have lots of time, am I being responsible in my usage of that time ( and no, please do not call on me to join this organization or that). I have to ask myself daily…what more can I do to be productive and for a higher purpose. If I am really saying I want to spend more time with Jesus, is it to be only in prayer and bible reading? Not necessarily so, though they are vital points to work on. But perhaps, God can use me to share with you, and you and yes, you too….the love and mercy of my precious Savior….maybe He will even use my words to stir someone else to think more  of how they too should be using their time. Well Lord, here I am.

What about you?

I Want to be Like Zori

Over the Christmas school holidays, I was blessed to have my four year old granddaughter spend her days with me while mommy and daddy were at work. Her big brother was here too but at the age of 8 yrs, he was far more interested in playing outside with his 13 and 14 yr old cousins for much of the day. Sebastian and Xavier, two of my other grandsons, live right next to us so this was a huge deal to Isai. And so, though I could have watched Zori along with doing my regular household activities, I chose instead to spend most of these days right here with Zori, dedicating all of my time solely to her. We played together, sang together, watched Tom & Jerry on TV together, coloured and drew pictures, sang silly songs and then learned from her  the latest dance/gymnastic moves and I’ve loved every moment of it. But what captured me most, at the end of the two weeks, was just the act of ‘watching’…. yes watching a four year old and how she performed each day. To see life through her was a treat like none other. Her big brown eyes lighting up and her sweet voice filled with excitement as she reacted to things happening around her stole my heart and, gave me pause to reflect deeply.

The ‘boys’ (Isai, Sebastian and Xavier) played endless hours of football (aka soccer) outside in Bermuda’s lovely climate. They never tire of the sport and in order to keep a close watch on them, I invited them to bring their goal nets over to my front yard so that I could monitor their play from the safety of my den. Several times Zori asked to be outside with them but seeing the fierceness of their kicks and head butts of that ball made me keep her indoors for the most part.

On Friday Zori had, by now, abandoned completely our time of song and dance. Our cozy TV watching and art activity was no longer interesting for her. Instead, she spent the whole day between the open window overlooking the yard and running back and forth to the front screen door. All this while she was agog with excitement and full of happy giggles. “Xavier! Xavier!” she would shout over and over. She rapped on the window sill to grab his attention in the middle of his play and he good naturedly responded with a wave and a smile and even sweet words of greeting more often than not. Each and every time Xavier looked her way, Zori was filled with glee. Her eyes would light up even more and she would giggle and skip across the room like she had won a prize. A minute later she would run to the front door and on tippy toes peeking out through the screen door, she would call out, “Xavier! Xavier!” again.     All Zori wanted was a look from him, a smile, an acknowledgement that he knew she was there, his biggest fan. Her joy was complete. She didn’t need to be in the center of his game; she didn’t ask for his undivided attention; she just wanted to be near him and to know that in his great big world, he knew she was there. You see, my little granddaughter Zori has fallen madly in love. Oh she has always loved her big cousins, but this week, that great admiration became a wonderful sweet new love. And Xavier is the object of her affection!

 

i watched with a full heart as she sang out to him throughout the days and I cherished these precious moments of young innocence. Ray and I chuckled at seeing her developing crush and wished so much that we could capture that joy.

This morning I woke up, the first day of the New Year and thought about Jesus and my relationship with Him. I had to admit that I have been rather too comfortable with my love for Him. Perhaps I was even taking Him for granted. Knowing His great capacity for love for me, I had become lazy in acknowledging what I owed to Him. Though I held Jesus dear to my heart, I realized that I want more. I want to be like Zori. I want to run to Him. I want to call out to Him over and over. I want to let Him know that I am here and I am His biggest fan. I want Him to know that I am overjoyed to be near Him. I want to glow in the satisfaction that even from His place of Glory, from Paradise itself, He smiles down on me and even takes time to give me a loving wave. I want to trip over my words because I am so awed in His presence. I want to bubble with inner delight because He knows me and still loves me. I want to see Him in everything all day long and to call out to Him with adoration. “Jesus! Jesus!”

i want to be like Zori!